I shot a man today.

It's not what I wanted to do, it was never what I wanted to do. They just.. they just wouldn't stop.. and they were going to take our tomatoes. I mean... who kills someone over tomatoes? I'm still shaking as I write this. It's hard to keep going.. what have I done? I'm a monster, I must be. Nobody would do wha

Okay. Its okay. I'm better now. I had to do it, I know I had to. I buried the body under some of the plants. I guess... that there's no sense in letting it go to waste. He looked so cold. 

I haven't left my house since it happened. I started marking the days on the wall. It's been almost a month. I'm going to have to go soon, and find water. The tap hasn't run in a while now- guess the plant can't run. Got plenty of food, thank god for canned veggies. 

Are you there god?

Okay. Managed to find some water. The Bonfare was picked clean, and I had to walk to the river. Gas lines are still working, but I had to find a lighter to get the stove going. Least I won't be getting cholera. 

I wonder how the gas lines are working still? I should go find some wood, just in case. 

Swear I'm going to go crazy without my computer. Maybe I already have. I'm not sure if this is really happening. My family is just across town, but I can't get to them to visit. Too far away to walk in one day, I don't have the supplies. Wouldn't be in before curfew. 

Running out of paper. Going to have to start writing on the back of my paperwork and stuff. Might even write on the walls if I have to. Maybe I should stop wasting space. Who cares about paragraphs and grammar and crap anymore, right? I mean sure it's important, but not so important. I think writing here is the only thing I have left. Roommates went out this morning. Haven't come back. Didn't say where they were going. I keep hearing gunshots, automatics. Can't be anybody here, must be military. I think I might start trading their pot plants for supplies. But if I do that, someone will try to take them from me. It's dangerous. It got really cold last night. Electric blanket is worthless now. Strange, home depot still has a lot of wood. Going to go back for as much as I can get soon. If you're reading this I hope I'm still alive. Someone tried to take the wood I was bringing back. I hit them over the head with a twobyfour until they stopped moving. I cant keep thinking about what im doing to people, I have to survive. I need to find other people who wont try to steal. I need to get out of here, we need to get out of here. Traded the last of the plants today, but I kept the seeds. Lot easier then making alcohol, and lots of people are desperate for a fix. Going to leave this house now. Find my family. Maybe we can get out of

David Bartels