I sit in the sudden darkness of my living room, startled. I actually have my laptop on my lap with my legs stretched out on a coffee table with pillows underneath my feet. My cats continue to sleep until they hear me say "Shit!" as I sit there and look around.

It does me no good to look as it is pitch black. My house is secluded, so there is no light from anywhere. All the street lights are down the long driveway and since my curtains are drawn, I have no idea if there is any light anywhere around me.

I sit and wait for a minute or two, pushing down the anxiety that is in my chest and head. Finally I get up, put the laptop down and move my cats off of me. I cautiously walk towards the kitchen and get the flashlight out of a drawer. I go outside to get my lighter and look around.

There is no light, anywhere. The neighbor houses are also dark and this makes me feel better. It's not just my house which is dark; the whole street is out.

I come back in and light a few candles. I'm annoyed now because I can't use anything and I'm not sure how long this will last. I can't even use my laptop to find the number to call PG&E. 

I place the candle around the house and am again grateful for living in a small studio apartment. I know where everything is and I don't have far to go to find anything. I go outside, have a smoke and wait a few minutes and go back inside. I feel uneasy outside as I can't see that far and I tell myself to stop thinking about "The Walking Dead," but this time, I lock the front door behind me.

I think about calling a friend, but I don't want him to know that I've turned into a needy female who is actually afraid of the dark. I "see" things in the dark that aren't there in the daylight and I push those images away.
I go into the bedroom and sit down on the bed and grab a book. It's hard to read and my eyes begin to hurt. I am trying to not feel the terror that is rising in me as I can't stand this. I feel vulnerable and alone and I don't like it.

I begin to miss my dogs again because when I had them, I was never nervous in the dark. It never bothered me to be alone while I slept because they were my protectors. But they are gone and I am alone and I am scared.

I finally call my friend and he tells me his lights are out also, along with the entire neighborhood. My heart starts beating faster as I realize that this is a bigger problem than the block I live on. He tells me to come over and spend the night and I tell him I'm fine. He asks if I want him to come over and I tell him not to worry. He's allergic to cats and I don't want him sick. I realize I need to hangup my phone because I don't want to use up the battery, so I turn it off.

I sit there and pull my feet onto the bed. Having them hanging off the side scares me and no matter how many times I tell myself I am being silly, the darkness is getting to me. It is so quiet and I feel like I'm the last person alive. It feels like hours have passed but it's been less than an hour. I won't be ready to sleep for a few more, so I crawl into bed with my clothes on. After a few minutes, I get up and check to door again to make sure it's locked. It is and I go back to bed and try to read.

I hear every sound in the house and it makes me jump just a little bit. My eyes are strained, so I blow out all the candles and try to sleep and pray that whatever is out there, doesn't find me.

Contributed By Susan Lewis - Look here up on G+

No comments:

Post a Comment